I sleep restlessly, dreams invaded by shadowy things that I thought I'd stopped thinking about ages ago.

This happens every so often. I'm alright with that. But it's putting a serious dent in how productive I'm able to be during the daytime. Hm.

Inj.

Injunction court. Miserable process. People herded in in bulk, waiting on the opposite side of the room from OTHER people herded in like cattle that the people on the left were scared enough of to file an injunction AGAINST. I think if I were like Wolverine and could smell pheromones to detect things like fear, I'd pass out, because it's palpable in that room. It's ugly and brown and wooden and the lights are too bright and the benches make your ass go numb. You might get called first, you might sit there for five hours in the same room as him, or her, or them, in silent contemplation of how scared you are and how there might be consequences to this action no matter WHAT a judge orders.

I've had success on all but one, but since that one, I assume every one that I go after is going to be denied. You taste that kind of disappointment once, you train yourself to expect it. That way, I'm never let down and sometimes I'm pleasantly suprised.

This girl has a severe anxiety disorder- she didn't sleep at all the night before -and I know she's so nervous she's on the verge of running from the building. She's a tiny little thing with big beautiful eyes and a soft voice with a minor speech impediment. We were dead last.

She stood up there on the opposite side of a man in four-point cuffs, the man who had raped her, now in jail for a related offense; I made a physical barrier between them, turned to face her but forever watching him out of the corner of my eye, arm braced on the stand and constantly ready to act if shit hits the fan. It doesn't, it never does, but every so often I sit down and have the talk with myself about what I'm gonna do if it eventually does. How much I'm willing to give if it means protecting this person I'm with.

Every time, the answer is "everything". I'm not a martyr and I don't consider myself a good person on the whole, but every time, in my head, without hesitation..."everything".

It's good to know what you'd die for.

Things I Love Thursday

Florence and The Motherfucking Machine, pomegranates (even though they're a bitch to eat and clean up after), Getting Shit Done, Iron Maiden, Bath and Body Works antibacterial hand lotions (Midnight Pomegranate, seeing a theme here?), new candles for my desk, my great uncle's jewelry, new storage bins on sale for $5 at Target, Amazon gift cards, organic deodorant, Tweezerman tweezers, "Sway" by Dean Martin.

Vagina Monologues.

I auditioned. I got a part (my boss lady happens to be shacked up with the casting director so she already knows which one, just refuses to tell me). I'm nervous.

Things I Love Thursday

Co-workers who buy me retroactive birthday lunches, Coke in a bottle (I know it’s awful, I know), anything coated in glitter, X-Men Evolution, new planners, purple pens, my stained-glass window earrings that were a Xmas gift from my girlfriend, comic book heroine figurines on my desk, giving good presentations, sleeping soundly, my electric blanket, new car smell, “Sleep” by Azure Ray, The Postal Service, weather so cold I see my breath at noon, laziness.

What sets your little heart aflame this week?

How Sure?

"The only thing that lasts longer than a friend's love is the stupidity that keeps us from knowing any better."

-Randy K. Milholland